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I’ve been hearing a lot about social anxiety. Nobody knows if being shut away in lockdown brought out an anxiety that was lurking inside people.
I wonder, though, if some of us are mixing up shyness, introversion and social anxiety which are different from each other even though they overlap from time to time. Let’s take a look at the three types, for want of a better word.
Shy people, of whom I am one, would like to be with others but find it brings up anxiety. They may back away or self-medicate with alcohol. What can they do?
If you were at a party with
Oscar Wilde you would get tired of it soon enough
They can help themselves a lot by realising that they may be putting demands on themselves that are not being imposed by others.
Maybe you will never be the life and soul of the party no matter what. That’s okay. Nobody else is looking for you to be the life and soul of the party. Having got used to you as a quiet person they would probably be startled if you emerged as a party animal.
Other people are not usually judging you for being a quiet person. And those extraverts who are happily loud will be glad to have the floor to themselves.
But you’re not a brilliant conversationalist? Here’s a secret: brilliant conversationalists are a pain in the neck. They hog the floor and all must pay homage to to their wit. If you were at a party with Oscar Wilde you would get tired of it soon enough.
Listen to other people’s conversation. They repeat banal statements to each other over and over and they’re as happy as anything. Or listen to discussion programmes on the radio or television. Have you ever heard anything original being uttered by anybody on these shows?
Go, and do thou likewise: repeat commonplace remarks with – if you can manage it – enthusiasm and people will love you for it.
Also, look in the mirror and note that you cannot see through yourself. Other people can’…….