Understanding shyness, and managing it in yourself, can be a boon to your success in every phase of … [+]
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If you Google “famous introverts,” you’ll get an interesting list of luminaries: Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Eleanor Roosevelt, Al Gore, Marissa Mayer, Abraham Lincoln, Warren Buffett, Mahatma Gandhi, Barack Obama.
“But wait,” you might say. “How can people like that be shy? Barack Obama? Are you kidding me?”
If that’s your response, you’ve made the common mistake of confusing introversion for shyness or shyness for introversion. They may be second cousins, but they’re not siblings and they’re certainly not twins.
No one knows that better than Dr. Lynne Henderson, founder and co-director of the Shyness Institute in California and a visiting scholar in psychology at Stanford University. She has directed the Shyness Clinic at Stanford for more than 30 years.
Dr. Henderson’s book is The Shyness Workbook: Take Control of Social Anxiety Using Your Compassionate Mind.
Rodger Dean Duncan: Is introversion a form (or symptom) of social anxiety, or is it different?
Lynne Henderson: It is different. An introvert likes his/her own company and is happy with a few good friends. Introversion doesn’t imply a concern about being evaluated negatively by others or necessarily blaming the self if it were to happen. Shyness and social anxiety involve a fear of negative evaluation by others that interferes with participation, and a tendency to blame the self if a social interaction doesn’t go as well as one hoped.
Duncan: What’s the difference between ordinary shyness and chronic and problematic shyness?
Dr. Lynne Henderson
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Henderson: Ordinary shyness is something we all experience. Only 2% of the population say they’ve never experienced shyness. It’s a blend of fear and interest and is adaptive in evolution.
Ordinary shyness is sometimes referred to as the “pause to check” syndrome. In contrast, problematic shyness is a fear of negative evaluation that’s strong enough that we avoid situations that would otherwise be pleasurable—such as meeting people, going to parties, or dating.
Problematic shyness also involves self-criticism and self-preoccupation in conversations that can lead to not drawing others out or looking for common interests that can be topics of conversation that lead to mutual sharing and enjoyment.
Duncan: Aren’t some people who regard themselves as “shy” really just especially careful about how they approach social situations? At what point does that behavior become a problem?
Henderson: Yes. People can be careful and polite, and still enjoy interacting with others. The behavior becomes …….