For the last couple of weeks we’ve been exploring the subject of shyness. In our first post, we talked about the nature of shyness and its symptoms. In last week’s article, we outlined the faulty thinking that leads to self-consciousness and anxiety, which in turn fuels shy feelings and the desire to avoid socializing.
Today we’re going to take the points we’ve made so far, and connect them with action steps grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy. Keep in mind that it took years for you to develop your faulty thinking about socializing, so it’s going to take awhile to transform that habitual, familiar mindset. Don’t expect overnight success. As you implement these tips into your life, slowly but surely you’ll find yourself becoming less and less shy.
Build the Foundation
Start with the easy stuff: hygiene and dressing well.
Self-consciousness drives shyness, and the easiest way to start mitigating that self-consciousness is by practicing good hygiene and dressing well – no cognitive re-framing required. Shy folks have enough to feel anxious about without worrying if people are looking at their acne or a stain on their shirt. It’s easy to dismiss such things as unimportant or superficial, but you’ll truly be surprised by how much more confident you’ll be when you feel like you look good. You’ll carry yourself differently in your interactions and be more inclined to strike up conversations with those you meet. Check out our extensive style section to start feeling more confident in how you dress.
Build authentic confidence through mastery.
Another indirect way to decrease your social anxiety is to build your confidence through your mastery of some subject or skill. Oftentimes shyness arises from a sense of not having anything of value to offer people. Being an expert in some area helps quiet this insecurity and makes you feel more sure of yourself.
Boost your resilience.
Shy people are unresilient in the face of a perceived social threat. Awkward social interactions can really shake them and torpedo their confidence.
Strengthening your overall resilience will give you the mental toolbox you need to bounce back more quickly from setbacks – whether social or otherwise. We wrote an in-depth series several years ago on becoming more resilient. If you’d like all the content in one place, check out our ebook version. You’ll find tactics on how to stop catastrophizing and avoid the “me/always/everything” mindset that reinforces the faulty idea that socializing is stressful and threatening.
Develop the Right Mindset
Understand that shyness is normal.
One of the things that makes overcoming shyness seem so hard is that shy people often assume it’s a problem that only a few others experience. This makes them apt to think that there’s …….